Last night, I gave up. Well, almost.
I reached a point where I was tempted to abandon the path of self-development. Where the hardness of indifference threatened to overcome the path of detachment, allowing and unfolding. My ego was insinuating (whining?) that the situation was too hard; I should just turn the page and give up. Surrender completely.
Naturally, I turned to the way of the Tao. I consulted the I-Ching for guidance. Little did I know that the way of surrender would be quite different than what my ego put forth. The very first line I read counseled that “chief among obstructing attitudes was the tendency to regard situations as dangerous or other people as hopeless”. My ego rolled its eyes but my sense of inner truth sat up straighter, listening.
I was counseled to “not adopt any view that might cause us to give up on our goal”, to “not turn my back on the struggle” to “hold back, keep still, and persevere until the way out shows itself”, and to step back to let the universe be the Master Playwright. I was reminded to hold my mind open – utterly innocent and unassuming about the future – and to truly disengage, allowing the power of truth to penetrate gently.
So I decided – was led – to surrender, after all. But instead of surrendering with frustration, I surrendered with grace. Instead of allowing hardness to take residence in my heart, I opened to the love of just allowing life to unfold. Instead of trying to control, I relinquished control.
I don’t know where the path will lead me, but I do know this. As I have been frequently reminded of late, “adversity is necessary to growth and to the fulfillment of our higher nature”, and every step on this conscious journey back to love, back to my truth, and back to presence, has been a gift. As I become increasingly humble and accepting, I grow stronger and more able to feel the love that flows through me and to me.
As the lightness returns, yet again, I am reminded of what I already know. That I will never give up. That softness is my greatest strength.